Where I live, April is a month of spring, new life, warmer weather, and more sun. It’s also a month of funeral anniversaries for me. My dad’s funeral was in April 2022. In April 2005, I was studying in Rome when Pope John Paul II died, and I was in Rome for the conclave that followed. And now, this April, Pope Francis has died.

Even in my dreams this month I couldn’t escape death and funerals. Last weekend, in the early morning hours of Easter Sunday, I had a dream of nuns and priests getting old and dying. I watched it all and couldn’t stop it or help anyone. It was awful. Right before I woke up, I was alone in my dream, and I said to myself, “Spirituality is dying. The spiritual leaders are leaving.”

One day later, Easter Monday, Pope Francis died.

His death hit me harder than I expected it to. I didn’t know him. I never met him. But that didn’t seem to matter. He was hope for those of us who felt excluded by the Catholic Church. His death made me feel like felt like that hope was dying.

I attended a papal audience with Pope Francis in 2014. It was electric. All I could think was, “This is what it must have felt like to be in the presence of Jesus, the Buddha, or Muhammad.” Pope Francis’s energy was not of this world – it was pure. It was light and love filled. Remembering that audience 11 years later still brings me to tears.

During that trip to Rome, I bought a Pope Francis bobblehead because it spoke so much to his spirit and message. Humor, joy, and fun are important. Life isn’t meant to be taken too seriously. Stay nimble; bobble with what life throws at you.

I bought the bobblehead when I was working at a public university, and it found a permanent home in my campus office. It was my way of saying to students, “It’s ok to talk about faith and spirituality here. It doesn’t have to be serious if you don’t want it to be. We can have fun with it.”

*One of my favorite pieces of papal swag, the Papa Francesco bobblehead.*

Now, I work at a Jesuit university, run by the same order that Pope Francis belonged to. My university had masses for Pope Francis all last week, and I went to mass, which isn’t something I usually do. I went because I didn’t want to be alone in my grief. There were only four of us there at that weekday noon mass, all strangers, but I felt connected and less alone. A few days later, as I watched Pope Francis’s funeral on a delayed broadcast, I felt connected to Rome, to other mourners, and to St. Ignatius, the founder of the Jesuits. It reminded me that death is about connection as much as its about loss.

Since 2024, people who I consider spiritual leaders have died, including Sr. Arlene. She had been my spiritual mentor since I was in high school. The night she died, I thought to myself, “At least we still have Francis here.” And now he left, leaving us to step up.

That realization made me mad at first. I realized, though, that anger was covering up fear because I know how this goes. The teacher or mentor leaves, and the student steps up.

Let me tell you this: I don’t feel ready. Yes, I know I’m a spiritual director, and I probably should feel ready. For what? I don’t know. I have a lot of questions because so much is uncertain right now.

But this is what I’ve come to understand in this week after Pope Francis’s death:

Spiritual leaders of our time are dying, but spirituality doesn’t have to.

There are other leaders still here. I’m not only talking about religious figures like Rt. Rev. Mariann Edgar Budde, Sr. Joan Chittister, and Fr. Jim Martin. It’s you and me. We are called to leave this world a better, more loving and peaceful place for all of creation than we found it. Pope Francis did that. Arlene did that.

We don’t have to wait until we die to learn what our legacy is. Our individual legacy is happening every day with every action we take.

It’s up to us whether we’re ready or not, religious or not, spiritual or not. The world needs our light.

I don’t usually end these posts with questions, but I feel compelled to with this one.

What is your light?
What actions have you taken in the last 24 hours to bring more hope, love, and peace into the world? How did you know there were increases in hope, love, and peace?
How might you do more of that?

Grazie, Papa Francesco.

The Pope Francis Bobblehead

What is Spirituality?